My Inner Radiance Blog

I Had to Lose it First

I didn't realize I had an issue with self esteem until certain things changed in my life.  I felt I had dealt with all of that years ago.  I was reasonably accomplished.  I had all of the outward representations of success: beautiful home in an exclusive neighborhood; foreign luxury car, designer clothes, jewelry, trips to Europe, etc.

                    

It wasn’t until my financial situation crumbled and my lifestyle was in jeopardy that I realized all my material things were just a mask, a cover-up of my insecurities.  As long as I was able to maintain the façade of success I felt ok.  Financial stability has always been very important for me, because I grew up in an environment of scarcity and fear.  There was never enough money. 

I had heard that everything we have or experience in life is of our own doing, our own choice.  But, I didn’t ask for a huge financial loss and certainly didn’t want it.  No, this was somebody else’s doing, not mine.  I wasn’t ready to accept responsibility for what I had created.  I wanted someone to take the blame and then fix it too.  Then I would be whole…. oh yeah, that’ll work.  I aimed this demand at my boyfriend and business partner.  After many unsuccessful attempts at insisting that he fix the situation, I realized I was only making everyone miserable.

I needed a break.  I knew that once I was free of the relationship, my life would suddenly improve….wrong again.  Before long I realized that my problems were my own.  That was a first step and a process of real change.  Once I realized I had created the mess, I knew I could now change it. 

               
                             
This realization was instant. I was elated and excited to tell my story to anyone who would listen.  Now that might not seem like much to some of you, but for me it meant I could stop judging and being so hard on myself.  I could finally stop pretending to be perfect and self-contained.  That gave me so much freedom with others, to love and accept who they were.  That’s when my world expanded.  That’s when I knew everything I would ever want was a just a wish away.

 
      

Then I Found It

What I had wanted for so long was a way to connect with people.  I was extremely shy and insecure and thought people would only like me if I had money and was successful. 


When my financial situation went negative it shook me at my core.  Financial security had become my identity.  Without it I wasn’t sure who I was.  When I lost all of my money everything I thought about myself was in question.  I was afraid to tell friends I had money problems.  I didn’t want to be seen that way.  
                      

However, something interesting happened.  With the money gone, it felt like my armor had been torn away.  I was now vulnerable, but I was also free.  My worst fear had been realized but I didn’t have to hide anymore.  What I had tried so desperately to preserve and protect all of these years was the same thing that kept me imprisoned and isolated.  It was a feeling I had not experienced before:  The total acceptance of who I was.                                                                                                             
No one else seemed to notice or even care that I had lost my money.  That’s the funny thing about self-esteem.  It’s not about how others see us, it about how we feel on the inside.  If we are feeling less than, any praise and validation we receive falls on deaf ears.  We dismiss any positive feedback as coincidence or worse, it’s met with suspicion or seen as manipulation.  Low self esteem is more powerful than we care to admit. 

On the other hand when we are in a strong self state, setbacks and negative comments are now seen in a whole new light.  Setbacks are indications that maybe we need to reevaluate or course-correct.  Negative comments are only a reflection of the source from whence they came.  When our internal world shifts, our external world changes instantly.  
                          
      

By the way, I have a like-new 2007 750IL BMW with low miles that would make a perfect gift for you or someone you love!

Feeling Stuck?

Feeling stuck can be a sad and lonely place, yet subtle changes might be the only thing standing between where we are now and where we want to be.  Those stuck feelings are our subconscious mind's way of telling us that there is more for us, that we can be more than we're currently being.  The frustration that accompanies the stuck feelings are usually caused by a thought that tells us we don't know what to do, that what we need to do is an enormous task, that we will always feel this way, that no one can help us, etc.  And none of this is true! 

 

By changing your focus from I am miserable and I don't know what to do.  To I am not feeling fulfilled and I need to make a change, you open the channel of energy to new possibilities, awareness's and results!  Remember the law of attraction?  What you focus on expands and grows.  But that sounds too easy you say, sometimes we humans tend to complicate things.

Start with this simple process, ask yourself.  "What do I want that I don't have?  What can I be doing differently?  Who can assist me in getting the answers?"  Many times when we ask the questions and are receptive, we get the answers we need.  Conversely, by trying harder and doing more of the same, we get more of the same; frustration and feeling stuck!             

No one has to live a life they don't love, expressing yourself fully and openly is your legacy.  Only you can claim your greatness!

Here's to you sharing your gifts with the world!

Join me on April 14, at 4:00 Eastern along with Sue Painter of The Confident Marketer on the free call

Why Working on Your Self-Esteem Improves Both You and Your Business

Register here

Does Your Self-Esteem Need Upleveling?

I read an interesting article just the other day about the economic value of self esteem.  Not many people would argue the point that having reasonably high self esteem correlates with doing reasonably well as an entrepreneur or as a worker for someone else.  But above that, this article pointed out that our rapidly changing world economies, and the way in which people work are also putting a high monetary value on self esteem.  Not only that, new models of working demand upleveled self esteem.

• Working from home independently requires more individual responsibility and self-discipline.
• Being self-employed requires more self-management and more individual creativity.
• Self-employed professionals must have a high level of self-direction to be financially successful.

These require a solid self esteem.  Not only are companies who hire looking at measures of self esteem, solo professionals and small business owners must check themselves and make sure self esteem issues aren’t standing in their way.  Rather than being solely an important psychological need, self esteem is also being seen as an important economic need.

Believe it or not, people with lower self esteem actually can be successful in business.  Sometimes, the drive to cover up low self esteem causes a person to work very hard to be successful to hide what is lacking inside.  So, you might ask, why worry about your level of self esteem if you can be successful without it?  Here’s why –  the type and quality of your actions is changed by your level of self esteem.  The higher yours is, the higher the success and scope of your actions.  So while you can be successful with low self esteem, you will be more successful and much happier with higher self esteem.  You won’t feel like someone is chasing you constantly and if you don’t keep going you will fail in the end.  In other words, fear won’t be your driver.  With lower self esteem you may be successful, but you will also be anxious and doubtful.

So, in the end, upleveling your self esteem means that you have a better chance of being highly successful, but also more satisfied, calmer, healthier, and freer in your life and your work.  Sounds pretty good, huh?

On Wednesday, April 14th, at 1:00pm, I’m being interviewed by Sue Painter of The Confident Marketer, the author of this article.  Sue works with solo professionals to move their passion and purpose into profitable businesses.  You can subscribe to her twice-monthly e-zine by going to http://www.confidentmarketer.com.

We'll be talking about why working on your self-esteem boosts yourself and your income.  I have been through the journey of rebuilding self esteem after financial disaster, and have some pretty interesting points to make.  The call is free, to register for it and get the call-in information, go to http://confidentmarketer.com/site/upcoming-teleclasses/adell/.  We’ll talk about why low self esteem can spell success but how higher self esteem is even better for your brain and your pocketbook.  See you there!

The 4 Spiritual Laws of Prosperity

I came across this powerful little book and wanted to share the author’s main points

1.    You must tithe 10% of all that you receive to the person, place, or institution where you have received your spiritual food.  Putting god first in your finances is a dynamic act of courage.  When you do so, your faith and your ability to stretch yourself, to move forward, and to expand your vision of yourself and your life increases a hundred-fold.

2.    You must set clear-cut, tangible goals.  Goal-setting is looking honestly at where you are, then choosing where you want to be, and then setting a clear and deliberate intention to go there.  Doing so forces you to live consciously, rather than unconsciously.

3.    You must forgive everyone all of the time, especially yourself.  Forgiveness is a discipline and a powerful spiritual practice that will enable you to feel worthy enough to live prosperously.  It requires a diligence and a commitment to compassion and understanding.

4.    You must seek, discover, and follow your divine purpose.  You must assign significance and meaning to your life, giving yourself strength and endurance and bringing joy to your existence on a daily basis.  When you are aligned with your divine purpose, you bring a passion to all that you do.

Which one can you implement right now?  No question about how and why, you’ll do it because it makes sense to you and it feels right.  Which one do you have a problem with?  You want to do it, but you want to do it your way on your terms.  I invite you to sit with that one.   Make a note of your thoughts and justifications. 

How often do we ask for help and dismiss the answers we receive because they seem too simple, to obvious?  Have we become so conditioned to believing that everything of value needs to be complicated and intricate to have any worthwhile meaning?  You can share your thoughts below.

The author; Edwene Gaines, was a penniless single mother with a young child to support.  After many prayers and requests for help she got the message to tithe, set goals, forgive, and follow her divine purpose.  Acting in complete faith she followed the guidance she was given.  Shortly after her life changed, she experienced wealth and abundance on levels that were unimaginable to her before.  She is an ordained Unity minister and owns a retreat center in Alabama where she holds conferences and workshops, and guides her followers to an abundant life with these spiritual laws.

If you’re tired of too much information and not enough direction, send me an email and we’ll schedule a complimentary session to get you moving in the right direction now!

How Do You Manage the Gap?

As a success coach one of the ways I work with people is to empower them to take their professional dreams and desires and manifest them into physical form.  A process I use is having them write down their goals in as much detail as possible.  Next I have them write down where they are right now.  The space between the two is called the gap.  Most of us are living in some type of gap all the time, and it is how we are feeling in the gap that makes the difference between a brief layover and a lifetime of frustration.

 Navigating the gap successfully can be quite tricky.  For example; your goal is financial independence i.e.; the fully funded pension plan, the free and clear home and secure investments that provide passive income, etc.  Your reality however is quite different.  Your business is in a slump, your credit cards are at their limits and your investments have gone south for the winter and show no signs of return.

 Here's the critical part:  Where is your attention?  Is it on the credit card debt and the past due notices?  Or is it on the possibility of a new client or a new business strategy?  It's so important that we look and keep looking until we find the places of our lives that are abundant.  Even if they are not business or finance related, realizing we have tremendous resources, most of which are unseen, gives us the feeling of hope and inspiration we need to keep going.  The universe responds to our state of being and delivers to us our most predominant feelings.

 In the next post I'll go into more detail about narrowing the gap.  Until then practice being in the having state of consciousness.  A good affirmation is "I already have what it is I desire more of."

  If you are ready to close the gap right now send me an email to schedule a complimentary session.

 
Go to www.MyInnerRadiance,com to download your F.R.E.E. recording: "The Inner Game of Business.”

Closing the Gap

The fastest way to getting what you want is to act like you already have it.  That might sound easy but if you’ve never had it how do you know what it feels like?  The best way to start is to identify the underlying feeling of what you want.

Let’s say you want more clients.  Tap into the feeling that having more clients will give you.  Is it more money, validation, security?  Whatever it is, identify the feeling that you are seeking.  Let’s say you want more clients so that you will feel successful; and when you feel successful you will make more money.  Start with the money feeling.  What will it give you?  Security?  Validation?  Freedom?  Keep asking until you find the underlying feeling that you desire, the feeling that accomplishing the goal will give you!  When you have discovered it, say it.  “I want more clients so I can make more money, and get out of debt so I won’t feel like a failure.”  Since you do not want to reinforce a negative to your subconscious, use a positive:  “I want more clients so I can make more money, and get out of debt so I can feel successful.”  Imagine what that feeling is like, conjure that emotion fully in your body.  If you need help imagining that, look for places in your life where you are successful.  Are you healthy?  Do you have a large group of friends, or a great family?  Borrow that feeling of success from another area and impose it on the area you want to improve.  Get into the energy of success.  Walk like a successful person.  Talk like one, and act like one.  Do the things you imagine very successful people do.  When you start feeling successful, you will act successful and others will feel it too.  That’s when the magic happens.  You will become as successful as you feel.  It only happens when you feel it, when you become it.

Sometimes it’s hard to take ourselves out of what we’re currently experiencing, but if we don’t we’ll never bridge that gap.  It’s a matter of being disciplined in our thinking and feeling.  If you are ready to close the gap, click here to schedule your complimentary strategy session.